


Waiting for Lupin

by IcyKali



Category: Lupin III
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Gen, Metafiction, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 04:22:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13227990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IcyKali/pseuds/IcyKali
Summary: A satirical take on Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett. This play is set between Red Jacket and Blue Jacket. This idea came to me when I noticed that Jigen and Goemon are often separated from the action, doing something low-energy or domestic together.





	Waiting for Lupin

  
  


_ Goemon _

_ Jigen _

_ Fujiko _

_ Zenigata _

_ a girl (of the week) _

  
  


ACT I

_ Lupin and his friends are driving their Fiat on a country road. Suddenly, a tree. _

_ Lupin, for no apparent reason, veers off the road and into the tree. Everything goes black for a moment, and when the car is once again revealed, it is smashed and the hood is cracked. _

_ Jigen and Goemon exit the Fiat. _

_ Jigen is holding a sheet of paper. _

_ Goemon looks solemnly at the car. _

GOEMON: Nothing to be done.

JIGEN:  _ (muttering to himself) _ He’s really done it this time. What does he frickin’ expect from us?

GOEMON: What does it say, Jigen? And where is Lupin?

_ Jigen turns the paper around so Goemon can read it. _

GOEMON:  _ (reading out loud) _ Don’t worry, you guys. Wait by this tree and I’ll meet you by night.

JIGEN: Can you believe this, Goemon?

GOEMON: It’s already evening, so we won’t have to wait very long. Or, do you mean...

JIGEN: Right. Since when does Lupin run off to get help? That’s the kind of job he’d pawn off on us.

GOEMON: Lupin might be spying on us right now! He could be disguised as a rock, this tree, or even...  _ (full of drama) _ one of us. He would stoop that low, wouldn’t he?

JIGEN: A stupid ploy like this can’t fool me. Hey, what did we do together last Monday?

GOEMON: Huh? Oh, nothing.

JIGEN: And what did we talk about?

GOEMON: Also nothing. Jigen, we have to answer questions that Lupin couldn’t have guessed the answers to. I’ll give you another chance before I prove you’re really Lupin in disguise.

JIGEN: All right, I’ll play that game.  _ (Decisively, pointing to Goemon) _ Who’s the world’s most beautiful woman?

_ Goemon takes a step back. _

GOEMON:  _ (Turning red) _ Uh... well, um... I...

JIGEN: Huh. That’s correct. Maybe you are the real Goemon.

GOEMON:  _ (Glaring) _ Don’t do that to me again. Now it’s my turn. _ (He gestures with the Zantetsu sword, which is in its sheath.) _ Answer this—does a dog have Buddha-nature?

JIGEN: Don’t know. The answer doesn’t actually matter as long as your mind’s in the right place.

GOEMON: Lupin would never listen to me explaining Zen practice.  _ (He turns to look at the dead tree. He pauses. With one smooth motion, he draws Zantetsuken and slashes at the tree. The upper half of the tree topples over, away from the Fiat.)  _ Hmmm. I suppose Lupin is disguised as a rock, instead.  _ (He raises Zantetsuken again.) _

JIGEN: Hey, wait a second. Do you really want to spend all night cutting up rocks? Let’s just sit down somewhere and hope we end up sitting on him.

GOEMON: Well, all right. We’ll just wait for Lupin to reveal himself.

JIGEN: And on the off-chance he actually did leave, we’ll just wait until he gets here. The point is—

GOEMON: Until he comes.

JIGEN: Right.

_ They pick a rock and sit down. Goemon sits down in his usual meditative posture. Jigen takes out a cigarette, lights it, then takes a long drag. _

_ Goemon turns to look at the horizon. _

GOEMON: Haven’t we been here before?

JIGEN: I don’t think so. We were supposed to hit the bank, remember?

GOEMON: Didn’t we do that yesterday?

JIGEN: Nah, that was the jewelry store.

GOEMON: Are you certain? I remember that being longer ago.

JIGEN: It was Saturday. Today’s Sunday.

GOEMON: But what Sunday? And isn’t it odd to rob two places in as many days?

JIGEN: It was a busy week. I made a note of it somewhere.  _ (Grumbling) _ Why do I always have to keep track of every little goddamn thing? I shouldn’t have to remember whether Lupin would rather have plungers and a rope instead of grappling gun!  _ (Jigen crushes the cigarette.) _

GOEMON: What’s with your sudden shift in mood?  _ (Pause.) _ Actually, never mind. It doesn’t matter. What matters is if you are upset. Are you all right?

JIGEN: I’m fine. Sometimes I just get real annoyed at Lupin for putting me in these situations.

GOEMON: If you feel you are under too much pressure, I can make my own coffee from now on.

JIGEN: I don’t mind making you your coffee! Besides, I won’t need to do that anymore once you finally settle down and get married, man.

_ Goemon blushes again. _

GOEMON: Uh, well...

JIGEN: Or if you decide to become a monk or something. Monks don’t drink coffee, right?

GOEMON:  _ (Despairingly)  _ I don’t want to think about either of those things.

JIGEN: But if I can’t help you sort out your future, who else is going to?

_ Goemon sighs. _

GOEMON: All right, what do you have to say?

JIGEN: I think you’re stuck, man. It’s like if I was tryin’ to shoot one target on the far left and one on the far right at the same instant. It just ain’t possible.

GOEMON: That is probably true. But for now, I am a run-of-the-mill thief, and I would rather talk about being one of those instead of talking about the future.

JIGEN: Sure. The future’s not here yet anyway.

_ They just sit there for a while. Goemon unsheathes Zantetsuken again, and glances at it to check for shadows or imperfections. Jigen taps the ground with his feet, and crosses and uncrosses his legs. _

JIGEN: Hey, when Lupin gets back here, do you think he’ll be wearing the red jacket or the green jacket?

GOEMON: I do not know. He could even be wearing the pink jacket.

JIGEN: I hope not. Even Fujiko wouldn’t wear something so frickin’ garish. What idiot would wear a pink jacket with a green shirt and yellow tie?

GOEMON: I think you answered your own question.

_ Jigen chuckles. _

_ Goemon closes the sword. It clicks. _

GOEMON: I heard he’s getting a blue jacket.

JIGEN: Really?  _ (Pause.)  _ Wait, hasn’t he worn one of those before?

GOEMON: I think it was just a one-off thing before.

_ They quiet down. After a while, Jigen tilts his hat down and leans back. He looks asleep. _

GOEMON:  _ (quietly) _ I really should get the mallet from the car and tune Zantetsuken.

JIGEN: Mm-hmm _._

_ They do not move. _

JIGEN: Do you ever think we’re tied?

GOEMON: Tied?

_ (Jigen sighs.)  _ JIGEN: Tied down.

GOEMON: What do you mean, tied down? To whom? By whom?

JIGEN: To Lupin.

GOEMON: To Lupin? Tied to Lupin! What an idea.  _ (Pause.) _ No question of of it.

JIGEN: I guess that’s a question of temperament?

GOEMON: Of character.

JIGEN: Nothing you can do about it.

GOEMON: One is what one is.

JIGEN: No use wriggling.

GOEMON: The essential doesn’t change.

JIGEN: Nothin’ to be done.

_ A terrible cry, close at hand. Goemon clutches his sword. At first, Jigen and Goemon remain motionless, then together make a sudden rush to the larger rocks off the road. They jump behind a boulder. Huddled together, shoulders hunched, cringing away from the menace, they wait. _

_ Fujiko and Zenigata, who are handcuffed together, are slowly walking down the road. They keep cursing and pulling each other in different directions. _

_ Jigen and Goemon share a look. They aren’t sure whether to run away or to help. Eventually, Fujiko’s and Zenigata’s struggling even to move proves that they are not going to be any threat, and Jigen and Goemon emerge from behind the boulder. _

GOEMON: You two, explain yourselves!  _ (He draws Zantetsuken.) _

ZENIGATA: The rest of Lupin’s troupe?! This is my lucky day!

JIGEN: It sure doesn’t seem lucky, Pops.

FUJIKO:  _ (Sarcastically) _ Be careful, you two. He’s wicked with strangers.

ZENIGATA:  _ (to Fujiko) _ It’s no time to be smart-mouthing me! I’m the one who’s got you caught!

FUJIKO: Oh, please. I have you wrapped around my finger. And you even look like a bulldog, so it’s completely appropriate.

_ Goemon and Jigen share another look. _

JIGEN: Are you two just gonna argue all night, or will you tell us what the hell is going on here?

ZENIGATA:  _ (full of pride) _ Well, obviously, I’ve caught the next-best-thief away from Lupin, and now I’m going to catch you two on top of her! And now that I have Fujiko, Lupin will leap right into custody.

_ Zenigata uses his free hand to take a pair of cuffs and throw them at Jigen. Goemon hits the cuffs away, and they fall uselessly to the ground. _

FUJIKO: Now that’s just pathetic, Inspector. _ (to Goemon and Jigen)  _ What’s really going on is that I ran into Zenigata at the bank, and—

GOEMON: Weren’t we supposed to rob the bank together?

FUJIKO:  _ (miffed) _ Well I wasn’t just going to wait around for Lupin to show up. What kind of fool would do that? Anyway, I ran into Zenigata here and I caught him with his own handcuffs.  _ (She puts her free hand over her chest.) _ I’m brilliant and beautiful.

ZENIGATA: Are you kidding me? You’re completely at my mercy, Fujiko!

FUJIKO: I don’t even need to argue. Everyone here can see I’m telling it like it is.

ZENIGATA: No you aren’t!

FUJIKO: Yes I am.

ZENIGATA:  _ (more loudly) _ No you aren’t!

FUJIKO:  _ (even more loudly) _ Yes I am!

_ This goes on for a while. Fujiko hits Zenigata in the face and knocks his hat off. Zenigata and Fujiko end up pushing and pulling each other until they break into a run and continue down the road, shouting all the while. _

GOEMON:  _ (watching the two of them running away)  _ Um, should we help them?

JIGEN: Nah. Let’s keep ‘em out of our hair.

_ Jigen looks down at Zenigata's hat. _

GOEMON: Are you going to switch hats or something?

_ Jigen looks away.  _ JIGEN: Nah.

GOEMON: It’s funny, the way they can’t see the obvious fact that they have each other caught.

JIGEN: They could know deep down and just be in denial, man.

GOEMON: That is true.

_ They sit back down, this time on the rock they had been hiding behind. _

JIGEN: That little scene with Fujiko and Pops sure did pass the time.

GOEMON: It would have passed in any case.

JIGEN: Yes, but not that fast.

_ Pause. _

GOEMON: It is clear why Fujiko and Inspector Zenigata were acting so strangely.

JIGEN: Why’s that?

_ Goemon points up at the night sky, at the full moon. _

GOEMON: That.

JIGEN: Huh. Moon’s coming up already? It doesn’t feel like we’ve been out here for that long.

GOEMON: It is the mind that determines everything, and that includes the passage of time, Jigen.

JIGEN: If this is all determined by the mind, does that mean we don’t even really want Lupin to get here? And that’s the real reason why he’s not here yet?

_ Goemon opens his mouth to speak. _

GIRL: Misters!

_ Goemon doesn’t gets to answer. He and Jigen look towards the sound. _

_ A girl, perhaps seventeen or eighteen, is standing a ways away. _

JIGEN:  _ (under his breath) _ Another young woman? Here we go again.

GOEMON: Approach, child.

_ The girl does not move. _

JIGEN:  _ (forcefully) _ Hey, be more respectful of your elders, will you?!

GOEMON: Uh, Jigen, we’re not that old.

_ The girl advances timidly. _

GOEMON:  _ (to the girl) _ Do you have a message from Lupin?

GIRL: Yes, Sir.

JIGEN: What kept you so late?

GIRL: I’m sorry, Sir. It’s not my fault.

JIGEN: So it’s his fault, then?  _ (The girl doesn’t answer.) _ Answer me! _ (The girl nods slightly.) _ I’m not frickin’ surprised. So what’s the message?

GIRL: Uh, well...

GOEMON:  _ (gently) _ Go on.

GIRL:  _ (in a rush) _ Lupin told me to tell you he won’t come this evening but surely tomorrow.

_ Silence. _

GOEMON: Is that all?

GIRL: Yes, Sir. _ (Pause.)  _ You two aren’t mad?

JIGEN: Not really. Lupin pulls this shit all the time. And hey, if you’re not the woman he’s wasting our time with... say, do you have a sister?

GIRL: Yes, Sir.

JIGEN: Hah. So Lupin must be—

GIRL: Um, may I go now, Sir?

_ (Goemon heaves a long-suffering sigh.) _

GOEMON: Yes, you may.

GIRL: Thank you, Sir. What am I to tell Lupin?

JIGEN: Tell him if he gets himself betrayed, it’s not our problem.

_ The girl runs off, in a hurry. _

GOEMON: You sound bitter, Jigen.

JIGEN: Not really. But why does Lupin never care that he gets betrayed by women? He gets a new love interest every goddamn week!

GOEMON: It does seem unfair... but it’s because Lupin has a screw loose and we don’t, right?

JIGEN: So he doesn’t know any better.

_ (Goemon nods.) _

GOEMON: Ignorance is bliss, after all.  _ (Pause.)  _ Though, that somehow makes things feel even more unfair. Even when Lupin doesn’t have a new girlfriend, he always has Fujiko to fall back on, and even dysfunctional love is still love.  _ (dejectedly)  _ Maybe I should leave for more training.

JIGEN: Hey, I didn’t want you to feel down about it. When you do get a girlfriend, you don’t want to settle for a woman like Fujiko, do you?

GOEMON: You are being hypocritical, Jigen. You would settle for just anyone, wouldn’t you?

JIGEN: Maybe, but you deserve better than that, man.

GOEMON: You deserve better than that as well, Jigen!

_ They stand up and face each other. _

_ Pause. _

JIGEN: _ (gently) _ Come here.

_ Goemon tentatively takes a step closer to Jigen. Suddenly, they embrace each other. _

JIGEN:  _ (with his head pressed against Goemon’s chest) _ See? If Lupin weren’t off with some woman right now, we wouldn’t be able to do this.

GOEMON: You always know how to make me feel better, Jigen.

_ Pause. _

_ They start to feel uncomfortable. _

GOEMON: ...Wait. Lupin could still be disguised somewhere around here, watching us.

_ They separate and fidget awkwardly for a few seconds. _

JIGEN: Just remember that when a woman’s got you down, it’s just because she’s jealous of your great hair.

GOEMON: My hair?

JIGEN: It’s definitely better than Fujiko’s, that’s for sure. Her hair always looks like a mop made of of noodles. But your hair curls over your ears so naturally!

GOEMON: I think this is another conversation Lupin really doesn’t need to hear...

JIGEN: Yeah, you’re right.  _ (He glances at the moon.)  _ Hey, I have an idea. We should get back in the car and go to sleep. You’re right about the full moon making everyone crazy tonight.

GOEMON: All right. But there just one thing that needs to be taken care of. The moon is simply too bright.

_ Goemon draws Zantetsuken and slashes at the moon. After he slashes at the moon, half of it if missing. _

_ Jigen and Goemon get back in the car, and the moon is revealed again—it had only been a cloud blocking the light. _

  
  
  
  


ACT II

_ Jigen leans against the broken-down Fiat and sings softly to himself. _

JIGEN:  Look at yourself

If you had the sense of humor

You would laugh to beat the band

Look at yourself

Do you still believe the rumor

That romance is simply grand?

_ He pauses, then continues. _

Since you took it on the chin

You have lost that toothpaste grin

My mental state is all a jumble

I sit around and sadly mumble

_ (Pause. He broods.) _

Fools rush in, so here am I

Very glad to be unhappy

I can't win, here am I

More than glad to be—

_ Goemon opens the busted car door and Jigen promptly shuts up. _

GOEMON: Jigen, what are you doing?

JIGEN: Nothing, like usual.

GOEMON: I never knew you could sing so well. Do you do this often?

JIGEN: Not really. I only sing in the shower, but there's no shower here, so...

_ Goemon gets out of the car and sits down next to Jigen. _

GOEMON: What was that song about?

JIGEN: Being glad.

GOEMON: That's nice.  _ He shuts his eyes. _

_ Silence. _

GOEMON: What if Lupin never arrives?

JIGEN: He always comes crawling back.

GOEMON: We can not predict the future. What if he never returns?  _ Pause.  _ What would we do without him?

JIGEN: Not much.

_ Goemon stands up and glares down at him. _

GOEMON: And what if Lupin is in danger?

JIGEN: If he's contracted a deadly STD or something, that's his own damn fault.

_ Goemon bonks Jigen on the head with Zantetsuken. _

JIGEN: Ow!  _ (holding his head)  _ The hell was that about?!

GOEMON: You were moping. Again.

JIGEN: I do not frickin' mope!  _ He stands up straight, to his full height.  _ Sitting around and being cynical and sarcastic is all part of my trademark. As important as my hat.

GOEMON: Trademark? We're not cartoon characters, Jigen.

JIGEN: Okay, maybe not. But it's like that line you always say about cutting up worthless objects.

_ Goemon grits his teeth. _

GOEMON: That line is a deeply philosophical commentary on the transience of relative reality. It is not some trademark slogan. Those words spontaneously arise in my mind as I reflect on each individual circumstance.

JIGEN: Aw, can't it be all those things at the same time?

GOEMON:  _ (flatly)  _ No.

_ Suddenly, they hear a high-pitched keening. Fujiko, her head hanging low and her dress ripped, stumbles along until she collapses to her knees on the side of the road. _

_ Goemon and Jigen share a look, then run up to her. _

GOEMON: Fujiko, what happened to you?

JIGEN: Did Lupin dump you for a prettier girl?

_ Fujiko pushes herself to her feet and pouts. _

FUJIKO: Nothing at all happened to me! Wait until you see Zenigata. I gave him plenty of time to rue the day he ruined my clothes! They're designer. What was he thinking?

JIGEN: Hah! You limp over here and tell us we shoulda seen the other guy? Even I thought you were better than that.

GOEMON: It does sound unconvincing.

FUJIKO: Why should I care how convincing I sound to you two? You two can't see what's right in front of your faces. Especially not you, Goemon.

JIGEN: We can see your gigantic breasts clear as day, you bitch. You just can't hypnotize us with them.

GOEMON:  _ (blushing slightly)  _ Your outward appearance does not mask your treacherous soul, Fujiko.

FUJIKO:  _ (brushing herself off)  _ As Lupin so happily likes to reminds us, betrayal is a woman's right. Besides, I'm not talking about myself. I'm talking about you two.

GOEMON: What do you mean?

JIGEN: Hmph. Don't engage her, man. She'll just force lies down your throat.

_ Fujiko puts her hands on her hips. _

FUJIKO: Fine, don't listen to me. I was only going to say that you children need to stop playing these stock archetypes.

GOEMON: ...What?

FUJIKO: Getting stuck in these roles aren't healthy, you know! When people are this inert and empty inside, somebody ends up getting hurt. In your case, it’s obviously happen—

JIGEN: Shut up and go seduce some fat rich bastard already. We don't appreciate your “advice.”

FUJIKO: Fine. Don't come crying to me when you die alone.

JIGEN:  _ (growling) _ Once I'm dead I won't be able to cry, you idiot.

FUJIKO: At the rate you're going, even your corpse will be crying.

_ Goemon looks between the two of them nervously. He's about to intervene when Fujiko speaks once again: _

FUJIKO: Anyway, does that shitty car still work?

JIGEN: Definitely not.

FUJIKO: Fine. Have fun rotting, Jigen, Goemon.  _ She walks away. _

_ Jigen and Goemon watch her until she disappears from their sight. They sit down on the rock they had been sitting on the day before. _

GOEMON: Jigen, I don't understand. What was Fujiko trying to say?

_ Jigen looks pensive. _

JIGEN: She's embarrassed about being stupid, so she's claimed we're the idiots instead.

GOEMON: When she said one of us would be hurt, what did she mean by that?

JIGEN: Nothing important.

_ Goemon adjusts his pose and looks meditative like usual. _

GOEMON: When people become trapped by their attachments to their specific archetypes, they can’t focus on anything but getting approval from others, correct? But I have my own goals, and you help me to achieve those goals, so we can’t be codependent. And I help you feel better about yourself. And... you have goals, right?

JIGEN: I’m too lazy for goals.

_ Silence while Jigen takes out a cigarette, lights it, and starts smoking. He lies down. _

GOEMON: ...All right, but is there anything amiss about our lives? It’s true that I don’t always distinguish between what’s unimportant and important.  _ He looks toward the setting sun.  _ What if I was sleeping, while you suffered? Tomorrow, when I wake, or think I do, what shall I say of today? That with Jigen my friend, at this place, until the fall of night, I waited for Lupin? That Fujiko passed, disheveled, and that she spoke to us? Probably. But in all that, what ultimate truth will there be?  _ He looks at Jigen, who is dozing off.  _ When I finally decide to go on retreat or to get married, what will become of him and our little gang?  _ (Pause.)  _ He is sleeping, he hears nothing, let him sleep on. _ (Pause.)  _ Though at the same time, there is probably someone else who is saying that I am the one who's sleeping...  _ He sighs.  _ I need more training.

_ Jigen suddenly sits up.  _ JIGEN: Wait, don't be ashamed! You're fine.

GOEMON: I thought you were asleep?

JIGEN: Yeah. Half-asleep anyway. But I go on high alert whenever you say you need more training.

GOEMON: Why? I must train, and we train together all the time.

JIGEN: “I need more training” is secret code for “I'm depressed and I'm gonna punish myself.”

_ Goemon scowls.  _ GOEMON: Jigen...

JIGEN: So what're you all upset about? Is Fujiko's psychobabble bullshit getting to you?

GOEMON:  _ (loudly) _ It isn't about what Fujiko said!  _ Pause.  _ I'm sorry, Jigen. I just don't know if constantly doing... nothing is acceptable. Are we hurting ourselves by rejecting meaningful action? What will happen in the future when our circumstances completely change? We can not continue to cling to our pattern of inaction.

JIGEN: Woah, hold on man. Do you really think what we do is totally meaningless? Don't you feel happy when you remember all the great times we've spent together? What about that time we got kicked out of the park 'cause we sat in the fishing boat all night?

_ Goemon looks away, annoyed. _

JIGEN: Or what about the time we got banned from that cafe for falling asleep in our seats and staying after closing time? O-Or what about when we ignored Lupin's plot to feed birds all afternoon? Come on, don't tell me you don't care!

GOEMON: ...I'm partial to the time Lupin dragged us to the beach and we stayed under the beach umbrella the whole time. Especially after Lupin went swimming and got attacked by a giant octopus.  _ Goemon turns back to Jigen. _

JIGEN: See? Just because idiots like Fujiko or Lupin can't see the importance of just sitting doesn't mean we're doing things wrong.

GOEMON: But shouldn't we not become accustomed to this temporary state in this ever-changing reality? We both know I won't be a part of this gang forever. What will happen to you when we can't depend on each other anymore?

_ Jigen does not say anything. He just lies back and tilts his hat down. _

_ Goemon makes a vaguely affirmative sound. _

_ Enter girl. _

GIRL: Mister... Mister Goemon?

GOEMON: Yes? Are you the young woman from yesterday? Do you not recognize me?

GIRL: Um, I wasn’t here yesterday.

GOEMON: Was it your sister?

GIRL: Maybe...

_ Goemon shakes Jigen, who wakes up. puts out his cigarette. _

JIGEN: Great, now her sister’s here. What's Lupin’s message this time?

GIRL: Well, Lupin’s message is...

GOEMON: Yes?

GIRL: It is...

JIGEN: Get on with it!

GIRL:  _ (suddenly shouting) _ I can’t take this anymore!  _ The girls rips herself in half, revealing none other than Lupin! He stands up and pulls the latex disguise off. _

JIGEN and GOEMON: Lupin?!

LUPIN: I’m done! I can’t believe how dull you guys are!

JIGEN: So you were in disguise this whole time!

_ Goemon uses Zantetsuken to point to Lupin. _

GOEMON: Why were you spying on us?!

LUPIN:  _ (ranting) _ I couldn’t help but notice how you guys are always just sitting around together whenever I need you, so I figured I’d find out what you two were doing behind my back. I expected something to blackmail you with, but imagine my surprise when I find out you’re the most boring people this side of the universe! You think nothing, do nothing, and talk about nothing! Sometimes you even talk without talking. Are you part of a hive mind or something? It's not okay to know each other that well! All you do is sit there, rambling about pseudo-philosophical junk, and about how much I annoy you, and about the future, and about how long I’m taking, and about how much you care about each other. Seriously, I could barely listen to all this same-old nonsense, and that’s just too sad to insult you guys over. One of you had better order an original thought, stat. I’m telling ya, you’re lucky I’m here to bring a little meaning to your sorry lives.

JIGEN: Our lives feel plenty meaningful without you!

LUPIN:  _ (sarcastically)  _ Yeah, right. And that's why you guys just kept waiting for me. Anyway, let’s just get out of here.  _ He walks up to the Fiat and rubs its hood.  _ Poor Fiat, I’m so sorry I had to do this to y—

_ The hood pops open and whacks him in the jaw. Lupin falls over backwards, and slams on the ground. _

_ Jigen and Goemon scowl. _

JIGEN: Well, shall we go?

GOEMON: Yes, let’s go.

_ They leave. Lupin does not move. _

_ Curtain. _

  
  



End file.
